Volume 3 Chapter 8

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♥

Click Clock.

The sound of the clock’s hand resounded in the living room where I was by myself.

It was already past 6 p.m. Miu said she’d come a bit late. Apparently, she was going to grab dinner with her friends.

As for me, I was waiting for Miu without eating. I had no appetite. I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything.

Click Clock.

The clock’s second hand kept moving.

I felt strange. I waited for Miu to get home, but for some reason I wished for time to stop.

There was a part of me that was afraid of my daughter coming home, of seeing her face to face.

But… I can’t run away any longer.

I have to face her properly.

And fix everything…

“…I’m home.”

The door opened and a languid voice resounded.

“Welcome home, Miu.”

I went to the entrance and greeted her as usual.

“I need to talk with you, do you mind?”

“…”

Without saying anything, Miu went into the living room and sat in the sofa.

I, on the other hand, sat on the table. It was something I had to speak with her face to face, but I was afraid of losing determination.

After a brief and painful silence…

“…So, what did you want to talk about?” Said roughly to break the silence. “Well, I can guess what you want to say. You want to resume the conversation that we began during the trip, right?”

“…There’s no need to anymore.” I shook my head. “Because I get everything now.”

“…Huh…?”

“Miu… I finally understand what you were trying to do.” I said. “Your recent actions… were to make Takkun and me get together after all, wasn’t it? Like I said at first, you were just pretending to want to date Takkun to provoke me…”

“Like I said before, that’s not—”

“But.” Interrupting her objection, I continued. “That’s not all.”

That’s not all.

It’s not like what I said before wasn’t true, but that wasn’t all.

“From the beginning, you were trying to support our relationship, this hasn’t changed. You started to compete with me for him… because I was indecisive and couldn’t give him a proper answer and was just taking advantage of Takkun’s kindness. Regardless of what you did, you did it for me, but…”

My voice shook.

I couldn’t breathe well.

But despite that, I desperately tried to squeeze out the words. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to talk again if I stopped for a moment.

That’s why… I kept talking.

Once I said this, I couldn’t go back.

But I had to tell her.

“…You actually love Takkun, don’t you?”

‘You’ve loved him ever since you were little, right?’

I asked.

I did it so there was no way back. The retreat path behind me seemed to be crumbling like a fine layer of ice that couldn’t stand its own weight.

“You said you would date Takkun… You pretended to be interested in him… I thought that you were just faking it to provoke me… but that’s not it, is it? You’ve actually liked him for a long time.”

Her no-interest in Takumi Aterezawa… was an act in itself.

She acted deliberately as if she had no feelings for him.

Miu was actually playing 2 roles.

And she tricked me completely.

I couldn’t notice my daughter’s lies.

“I’m sorry, Miu… I didn’t notice your feelings after all this time.”

“…So what?” She asked with an emotionless, scary, cold voice.

Miu spoke calmly without an emotion showing on her face.

“Even if you’re right and I like Taku-nii… What will you do?” She slowly turned her head towards me and looked straight at me with piercing eyes.

Her defiant gaze piercing the depths of my heart.

“You’ll support me, won’t you?”

That’s what she had said a couple of weeks ago.

But the situation now was different from then.

I now know Miu’s true feelings.

Knowing everything, I had to make a choice.

“…Miu, listen.” I said, taking a deep breath.

To be honest, I wanted to run away from this place right now. I was about to be crushed under a mysterious pressure.

But… I couldn’t run away.

I’ve already crossed the point of no return, so I must keep pushing forward.

“I’m your mother.” I said with determination, I stood up from my chair and walked toward her.

I walked to the sofa where Miu was sitting.

“I didn’t directly give birth to you… but I think of you as my true daughter. Maybe I’m being too intrusive… but I, more than anyone else in the world, want you to be happy.”

‘—There are no parents who don’t wish for their kids’ happiness.’

I remember Tomomi-san’s words.

Yes, that’s right. That’s exactly it.

If you’re a parent, it’s natural to wish for your kid’s happiness.

“I want you to be happy. And in order to do that, I’m willing to do anything for you. That’s why… I can’t date the boy you love.”

I can’t.

I simply can’t.

A mother can’t steal the man her daughter loves.

Such a thing… I can’t do it.

“I’m very happy and thankful that you wish for my happiness and repress your feelings to support my relationship with Takkun. But, Miu… I can’t accept such feelings from you. After all… I’m your mother, that’s why, I can’t…”

10 years ago…

I chose the mother’s path.

I skipped several processes that a lot of mothers go through, like falling in love, marrying, getting pregnant and giving birth, and I suddenly found myself living as Miu’s mother.

I didn’t give birth to Miu, nor am I her biological mother.

So I at least wanted my feelings as her mother to be real.

I wanted to raise Miu with genuine love that was in no way inferior to my sister’s and her husband’s.

That’s why, I can’t.

I can’t put my feelings as a woman… above my feelings as a mother.

“…So you’re going to reject Taku-nii for my sake?”

“It’s more about how I want to be your mother. Anyways, it’s mostly for my own sake…”

“So… you’ll support my love?”

“…Yes. That’s what I’ll do.”

I felt a stinging pain in my chest, and it became difficult to breathe.

Clenching my fists, I desperately squeezed out those words.

“After all… that’s how it should have been from the start. It’s more natural that you and Takkun go out together.”

Childhood friends with a slight age difference.

The two of them end up together… it’s a more normal and real love story.

The mother of the childhood friend has no role to play there.

Other than to show up every once in a while, see them and say ‘Oh, ufufu. It’s so nice to be young.’

After all… That was my role 2 months ago.

So what I had to do now was something easy.

It was just a matter of returning things to what they were.

Before he declared to me.

That’s normal.

Natural.

And the most proper way…

“That’s why… I’m going to support you…”

That’s how it was supposed to be.

But my voice sounded like it was about to break.

“That’s what I wanted. I really thought of doing just that. I really thought… about clearly rejecting him, forgetting everything that happened these last 2 months and pretending like nothing had happened… And then I’d support the two of you… But… But… Uuuh…”

The tears I had been holding all this time started to gradually flow from my eyes.

Unable to keep standing, I fell on my knees.

A few hours ago…

When I left the Aterazawa family house, I decided to speak with Miu this night… The moment I decided to tell her ‘I’m not going to go out with him. I’m going to reject him.”

Sting.

I felt a pain in my chest.

“Uuh… Uugh…”

Sting, sting, sting, sting, sting, sting…

Just an unbearable pain. Incredibly sharp, as if they were hammering needles in my heart.

Why?

Why is it so painful?

Why does my chest hurt so much?

I just… want to return everything to what it used to be before.

Return to what it used to be 2 months ago, when I didn’t know anything about Takkun’s feelings.

Just that. Then, why, why, why…

Why do I hate the idea so much?

Despite things not meant to be like this.

Despite it being what I need to do as Miu’s mother…

“…Eh?”

I received a message in my phone while I suffered from this unknown pain in my chest.

The sender was… Takkun.

“I’m sending you the pictures of the trip.”

The album’s file updated, and pictures were added.

There we were, all of us, together, with a smile on our faces.

At the pool, at the hot springs, at the game center, at the restaurant and at the room where we were lodging… Pictures of the three of us taken in several places of the hotel.

Probably because Takkun had taken the pictures, there were many pictures of me by myself.

There were also a few pictures showing him and I together.

In the album app, the pictures of our last date at the amusement park were still there, organized by files.

“…!”

While I was looking at the numerous pictures, memories flooded my mind.

It had been 2 months since Takkun had declared to me.

And the way I saw him had changed drastically in that time… Now I didn’t see him as a son or as a younger brother, but as a man.

This also unchained the memories of the last 10 years.

I felt that even the days in which I only thought about him as the kid next door became irreplaceable and special memories with vivid colors.

More messages came to my phone.

‘I’d like to keep doing these family trips together.’

‘And also.’

‘If there’s a chance, I’d like to go to a pool or hot springs. Just the two of us.’

“…”

The moment I saw this, I started crying, holding the phone in my hand.

I finally had realized what this stinging pain in my chest was.

“…I’m sorry, Miu. I love Takkun.” I said.

Supporting myself with my hands on the floor and with my head down, I burst into tears.

With a sorry appearance, I said those words.

The answer I’ve been prolonging and avoiding… I finally had found it in my heart after all this time lying to myself.

“I love him… I love him so much that I can’t do it…!”

I admitted it.

I couldn’t do anything but admit it.

It was pathetic and ironic.

I was about to back down for my daughter’s sake, and in that moment, I realized what my true feelings were.

I couldn’t believe that I had to be taken to this point so I could face my true feelings directly.

“I can’t go back to how things used to be… I can’t smile as if nothing had happened… Because I now know… I know how much Takkun loves me…”

I wanted to answer and reward those feelings.

Not because there was some sort of obligation or sense of duty.

I was simply because I was charmed.

I was incredibly happy.

Everything about him. Every movement, every action, made me happy and charmed me…

“The first time he said that he loved me… I was very confused and scared. I was afraid of facing him and even ran away… But Takkun decided to wait for me to give him an answer, even though I was so pathetic. He kept telling me he loved me while he waited. After all that… There’s no way I wouldn’t fall in love with him!”

I like him.

I love him.

I love Takkun.

When I admitted it, my feelings completely overflowed.

“…I’m sorry… for saying something so selfish… I didn’t realize anything until he declared to me… Before, I only thought of him as my daughter’s friend. And you’ve been loving him all this time…”

Just like how Takkun has been loving me for 10 years, Miu has also loved Takkun for 10 years.

To the point that she still remembers the promise she made as a kid.

And I was taking him from Miu, who has loved him for so many years.

Such a selfish thing was unacceptable.

I understood it in my head.

But my heart didn’t listen to me.

“Since Takkun declared to me and I started to see him as a man, only 2 months have passed… Compared to you, it’s been far too little… I get that. I get that, but… even then… I can’t help it! It’s only been 2 months… and I know it may sound ridiculous… but I fell in love with Takkun… I’m head over heels for him…”

The feelings oppressing my chest were let loose and escaped through my mouth.

I had a hard time saying words.

But the tears kept overflowing nevertheless.

“That’s why… I can’t… support you and Takkun… I don’t want to give him to you… I can’t reject these feelings… U-Uuh…”

The tears fell from my eyes to the floor.

Sobbing, I revealed my true feelings.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Miu… For being a bad mother… Despite being your mother, I’m sorry for not being able to put you first…”

Ah…

Horrible…

I really am a horrible mother…

What I need to do now is face my daughter and apologize from the bottom of my heart…

But despite that, the only thing I can think about is Takkun.

His smiling face, his angry face, his sad face, his crying face, his childish face when he was a kid, his current handsome face… And many other faces came from my memories and filled my heart.

My thoughts about him overwhelmed my and I couldn’t stop thinking about him…

“…I like Takkun… I love him. I want to go out with him, I want to be with him forever… I don’t want to lose him… That’s why… That’s why, Miu… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

‘Give up on Takkun…!’

I screamed.

Without shame, without vanity, without dignity, without the mother’s mask, without the adult’s mask. I threw it all away and revealed my true feelings without excuses.

Like a spoiled child, I complained selfishly and cried.

After screaming out everything I was holding, I suddenly lost strength, lost my balance and almost fell in place.

But then…

I was enveloped and supported softly.

Like a mother hugging a crying child.

“Okay.”

A soft, gentle voice sounded near my ear.

It was a beautiful voice and as soft as a feather.

“Since you want him so much, I’ll let you have Taku-nii.”

Miu, who had been hugging me, slowly let go of my body while she said that with a very, very soft tone.

I finally saw my daughter’s face, which I couldn’t do since I started to cry.

“Geez, you cried too much. What are you, a toddler?”

She wiped my tears with her sleeve.

Miu was smiling.

She had a very happy and satisfied smile.

“I’m happy that you finally understood your own feelings, mom.”

We sat in the sofa next to each other until I calmed down. I was so tired after crying that I couldn’t help but support my body with Miu’s.

Miu put her hand over my sorry head and patted me softly.

Somehow, it felt like I was the daughter and Miu was the mother…

“…Hey, mom.” She said with a soft voice.

In a soft and calm tone, like a mother reading a picture book to her daughter.

“Do you remember the day I called you ‘mama’ for the first time?”

“…I do.”

There was no way I could forget.

Besides… Not too long ago, she reproached me for it.

That every time I got drunk, I started to talk about it and then I cried a lot.

“It was a month after my parents died. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried a lot. I had a dream about my parents… and started to cry…”

“That’s right.”

I still remember it perfectly.

Miu woke up in the middle of the night, crying extremely hard.

During the funeral, she didn’t shed a single tear, but there, she cried.

“I don’t remember the details… The dream was probably a happy one. I dreamt that I had a good time playing with my parents. And when I woke up, I realized everything was just a dream… I felt as if I had been hit once again with the fact that my mother and father weren’t there anymore… and felt so sad that I started crying.”

Like a small girl, Miu probably didn’t immediately understand what it meant for her parents to be dead.

That’s why she didn’t shed a single tear and her new life with me didn’t seem strange to her.

But I don’t think that was healthy for her.

Her heart was simply paralyzed by not being able to accept her parents’ death.

And her paralyzed heart started to function normally after dreaming about her parents.

“You hugged my all night long and comforted me… but I couldn’t calm down. And the next night… I sneaked out.”

The desperation and fear from that moment were still livid in my memories.

While I was busy making dinner, Miu disappeared in an instant.

Her shoes weren’t in the entryway, so I immediately realized she had gone out.

“Many adults didn’t tell me that my parents had died, but rather, they had gone far away or that they lived in heaven. I was 5 and hoped that my mother and father were out there somewhere.”

“…”

“That’s why… I thought about looking for them. If I went to look for them, maybe they would look for me and we’d find each other… I really thought that. I really was an idiot, wasn’t I?”

I shook my head.

I couldn’t laugh at a 5-year old’s feelings.

“Well, they were just childish fantasies. In the end, I felt alone a little after leaving the house, but it was dark, and I couldn’t find the way back. And when I was scared and irritated, I fell down and hurt myself… As a result, I ended up crouching and crying next to the nearby park’s playground.

Now Miu spoke about it with a smile, but back then, it must have been very hard and lonely for her.

“The sky was completely dark. My knees hurt… I was afraid and I couldn’t stop crying. I was also calling my deceased father and mother… and then.” Miu looked straight at me. “You found me, mom.”

“…”

“While I cried, without knowing what to do, you went out looking for me and found me.”

“…It wasn’t just me. Takkun and Tomomi-san helped me.”

She sneaked out of the house for less than an hour.

But I don’t know how scary it must have been for a little girl. I still regret not being able to find her more quickly.

“When you found me, you were angry at first, but then you cried and hugged me. And I too… cried with you.”

“…That’s right.”

Despite it being nighttime, we both cried out hearts out without caring.

“From that day on, I was able to accept that my parents were dead. And… That I wasn’t alone. That’s why I decided to call you ‘Mama’ instead of ‘Aunt Ayako’.”

“…”

“From that day on, you became my true mother.” Said Miu.

She closed her eyes, and then opened them again to look not at the past, but at the present.

“My parents died when I was very young, and I guess that I was a ‘poor girl’ to the eyes of the world, but… During those 10 years, I never felt lonely. There was just happiness. I lived a happy life, and it’s all thanks to you. That’s why you aren’t a bad mother.”

“Miu…”

“Like I said before, I think of you as my true mother. And just as you wish for my happiness, I also wish for your happiness. That’s why… You don’t have to hold back because of me. I want you to think about yourself.”

“Myself…?” I repeated and Miu pouted.

“Mom, you’re always thinking putting me above you. This time too. Well, I’m also to blame for inciting you… But you only thought about my feelings. You didn’t even think about what you wanted for yourself.”

‘You didn’t try to understand yourself.’

Said Miu.

“…”

Oh, I see.

That’s what she meant by ‘You don’t understand anything.’

I tried to understand Miu’s feelings and looked away from mine.

To the very end, I couldn’t look at myself.

“I wanted to hear your true feelings. Without holding back for my sake… Nor your feelings as a mother, but rather, the feelings of the woman called Ayako Katsuragi. That’s why… I’m happy. That I could hear the passionate scream of love from my mother.”

“…”

“Like for real, that was great. I was actually wondering how many times you were going to say: ‘I love him.’ I almost died from embarrassment hearing you say all that.”

“S-Stop making fun of me.”

Miu spoke in a teasing tone and I felt very embarrassed.

After a chuckle, Miu continued with her calm voice.

“Mom… You said you started being conscious of Taku-nii these past 2 months, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

“Huh…?”

“He was always there, that’s why you didn’t notice. Taku-nii’s confession was just the trigger. You’ve spent 10 years next to Taku-nii, that’s why you fell madly in love with him, right?”

“…”

“Ahaha. It’s like a romance between childhood friends.”

A romance between childhood friends.

When a person is constantly close to you, it becomes normal to see them, until you realize how dear they are to you.

“You fell in love properly. So don’t be ashamed, don’t hesitate before anyone, and openly scream that you like Taku-nii.”

“…But, Miu, are you sure?” I asked.

The anxiety and doubt that I couldn’t erase from my mind came out from my mouth.

“After all… you’ve loved Takkun all this time.”

“Ah… Well, yeah.” She scratched her head. “But not in a romantic way.”

She looked the other way and looked awkward.

“…Huh?”

“I didn’t have a chance to deny it after you spoke so passionately all that time… But I don’t like Taku-nii in a romantic way. Like I said before, I don’t care about him as a man.”

“…Eh? Eh? Eh?”

“Like you said, I did all this to provoke you. I really don’t think of him that way.” She said indifferently.

I don’t understand anything.

“T-Then… What about the promise?”

“Promise…?”

“During the trip, you said in front of the door with a happy face that he remembered your promise…”

“…Ah.” Miu looked even more awkward and looked at the ceiling.

“So you did hear it…”

“…You were talking about the promise of marrying you made as a kid, didn’t you? You said you had promised to do so when you showed me the framed drawing…”

“…By any chance, did you see the drawing in my room?”

“Y-Yes…”

“Oh… I see. I found it when I cleaned my room and stored it carelessly, and then you found it…” Said Miu troubled. “Uhm… It’s true that I made a promise with Taku-nii back then, a marriage promise. And I was really happy that Taku-nii remembered it… But that drawing, was actually… Ah, hmm, how to say it…”

After clumsily whispering, she got up from the sofa, as if we she trying to run away.

“…Ah.”

She looked around the living room until she found an item.

She went to the table and grabbed it.

The item… Was the transformation revolver, ‘Trepid Magnum.’

I was playing with it the first half of the day and I forgot to put it back.

Clumsily smiling, Miu grabbed the pistol and pressed the button.

And Huymin’s famous phrase from episode 36 was heard.

—My trump card… Reversibility!

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Two chapters left plus an extra, then we’re done. Congratulation boys, we have reached the endgame.