Volume 1 Chapter 6

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♥

That day, Takkun came to our house for Miu’s lessons at the usual time.

While both of them were studying in the second floor, I was in the first floor doing chores like cleaning and washing clothes… And then, I received a call from Oinomori-san,

It was just a small call to confirm something from work, so it was very quick.

However…

“Hahaha, my, it seems like a lot of interesting things happened without me noticing. I can’t believe the university student next door confessed to you.” she said while laughing happily.

…Haaa… Me and my big mouth…

After discussing some work details, I asked her for a little advice about Takkun, saying, “It’s not me, it’s a friend,” but she immediately saw through my lie and dragged all the information out of me in an instant.

As expected from a skillful businesswoman.

Her conversational skills are amazing.

…Well, I guess my lax guard also had a lot to do with it.

“Takumi Aterazawa-kun huh… Now that I think about it, you’ve talked to me about him before. If I remember correctly, he’s the boy next door that teaches your daughter. And you had said you’d be happy if he started to date her.”

“…”

“However, Aterazawa-kun wasn’t interested in the daughter… but rather the mother. Kuku… Hahaha, this is simply amazing.”

“…This is no laughing matter.”

“Ah, sorry.”

After my words, Oinomori-san apologized.

But her voice remained happy.

“But, you know, what a pure love. That boy has been in love with you for the last 10 years, hasn’t he?”

I guess so.

And now that she mentions it… It is certainly a pure love.

Too pure even.

“I’m so envious of you, I’d also like to have someone so honest think about me the same way he does for you.”

“Envious…? Geez, stop teasing me, Oinomori-san. I’m seriously asking for advice here.”

“Hm? I wasn’t teasing you though,” she said, sounding surprised. “And asking me for advice…? Hmm… Were you seriously asking for advice? I thought you were just bragging… Well then, what did you want to ask me about?”

“Well… What do you think I should do now?”

“Go out with him” answered Oinomori-san.

In a tone… that didn’t sound like it was a joke.

Her tone was very normal, as if she was just casually giving an answer.

“From what I’ve heard, he’s serious and sincere, and seems like a nice guy. Try going out with him, and if it doesn’t work, just break up with him and that’s it.”

“I-It’s… not that simple…”

“It is that simple. Rather, aren’t you the one that’s overthinking it?”

“…”

“Katsuragi-kun, it seems like you’re worried about the age gap… But he’s already 20, isn’t he? I think you’re being rude by treating him as a kid.”

“You may be right on that… But for me, it isn’t that simple.”

“Hm?”

“Thinking about it using common sense, it’s simply impossible for me to date a boy that’s 10 years younger than me… I don’t think it will work out…”

“Pfft… Hahaha… Hahahaha!” Oinomori-san started laughing.

Strongly and rampantly.

“O-Oinomori-san?”

“Hahaha… Ah, sorry, sorry. I couldn’t help but laugh. I never thought you’d use the ‘common sense’ card.”

“…”

“10 years ago… I wonder who was the woman that, at her twenties, made the decision to start taking care of and raising her deceased sister’s daughter,” said Oinomori-san. “had just gotten a job and had no savings. She also didn’t have any experience raising kids… And even then, decided to take care of Miu-chan. Wasn’t it a woman named Ayako Katsuragi who made such an illogical decision after thinking about it with ‘common sense’?”

“…”

I suddenly remembered.

What happened 10 years ago.

When I decided to take care of Miu at the funeral… I wonder if at that time I was thinking with ‘common sense.’

No, I didn’t.

I didn’t think about anything and moved forward due to my emotions.

“My, my… It seems you’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years.” With a sarcastic voice, she continued. “Back then… you were young. Because of that, you could give yourself up to the emotions that sprouted from inside of you without thinking about the consequences. You were willing to give up your life for someone else. And all because… you had nothing to lose.”

“Nothing to lose…?”

“Those who have nothing to lose can do anything. They can face any challenges. But the longer you live, the more you start to settle in. So, you start getting worried about losing something. Money, family, friends, pride or self-esteem… That is what we call ‘getting old’.”

“…”

“The older you get, the more frightened you are of doing something.” Oinomori-san said “The reason you were able to raise your niece was because you were ‘young.’ But… now you are different. You’ve gotten old. And in these last 10 years, you’ve obtained things you don’t want to lose.”

10 years ago…

The image of my relatives arguing about who should take care of Miu came back to my mind.

To be honest… I loathed them at that moment.

I felt disappointed and resentful towards them, who only thought about themselves and couldn’t think about Miu at all.

But.

Now, in retrospect, they were probably just desperate.

They were desperate to protect their lives and keeping their precious lives with their families. It wasn’t that they didn’t think about Miu, but rather, had a family they had to prioritize more than their relatives’ kids… Something they couldn’t allow themselves to do.

But I… had nothing like that.

That why I was able to act according to my feelings.

It may have been kindness, love or a sense of justice. It may even have been from a feeling of selflessness so it could be counted as a moving story.

But… Those feelings I had were the ones that made me take action.

Because I had nothing to lose.

Because I was still too young…

“You often hear that being a hero means being alone. And that’s true. You can’t be a hero if you have a family. What kind of hero would you be if you put your family above the masses? And inversely, what kind of hero would you be if you ignore your family? No matter how you look at it, you can’t be a hero if you have a family.”

“…”

“It’s very different from 10 years ago when you could act freely and didn’t have to worry about anyone, Katsuragi-kun. But now… Miu-chan is your family. It’s the family you’ve built in these last 10 years every single day. You have a good relationship with your neighbors, and very different position and responsibilities in your job than when you were just starting out. Such circumstances make you use the word ‘common sense’ because there are a lot of things you don’t want to lose. Because ‘common sense’ is a favorite among adults.” Oinomori-san said. “Welcome, Katsuragi-kun. To the world of boring adults.”

Her ironically sharp words stabbed me.

After finishing the call, I sat down absent mindedly in a chair for a while, and then the living room door opened.

“Mom, did you finish your call?”

“Ah… Yes. Where’s Takkun?”

“He left already. Since you were on the phone, he left without saying goodbye.”

I looked at the clock and it was already past 9.

It seemed like I had been talking for a very long time.

“Hey, mom.”

While I was closing and putting away my laptop, Miu sat down in front of me.

She stared straight at me and said with a serious tone

“Do you already know what you’re gonna do with Taku-nii?”

“What I’m going to do…? I’m not going to do anything. I’ve said it many times already, it’s simply impossible for him and I to date…”

“I didn’t mean that.” Miu scratched her head and sighed deeply.

And with a voice that oozed irritation and dismay, she continued.

“Mom, after his confession… you’ve simply been running away.”

“Eh…?”

“You’re always saying things like, ‘thinking about it with common sense, it’s impossible,’ and ‘I feel guilty towards the Aterazawa family,’ as if you only cared about appearances. Furthermore, you decided to use that weird strategy of showing your disgusting side so that he would hate you. You’re simply running away.”

“I-I’m not running away…”

“You are running away.”

Her cold eyes stared at me.

I wanted to look somewhere else, but I couldn’t. Her silent and furious eyes didn’t let me escape.

“You’re just using trivial words to run away. Mom… You haven’t talked a single time about how you feel.”

“…”

After she said that, I realized it.

I wasn’t aware of it.

But certainly, without knowing, I had done nothing more than running away.

From the start, I tried to pretend that the confession hadn’t happened and kept acting like I usually did.

I used the convenient excuse of ‘common sense’ to hide my true feelings and refused to face them. And in the end, I did something as cowardly as ‘showing him my disgusting side to disappoint him,’ hoping that he would give up.

I couldn’t object her words.

Yes.

I hadn’t said anything yet.

I hadn’t given an answer.

I… have only been running away.

Ever since Takkun confessed to me, I’ve been running away all this time…

“Mom. Stop running and tell me the truth. Tell me what you really think.”

Miu looked at me with a cold gaze.

“Common sense, appearances and… me. Drop all those annoying pretexts and tell me what you really think about Taku-nii as a man.”

“…”

I didn’t know what to say.

Miu’s assessment and Oinomori’s irony spinned in my head and disturbed my thoughts.

My head was a complete chaos… But despite that, I kept thinking desperately.

I had to think.

No more running away… Just think.

I had to face Takkun’s confession and my own heart.

And then…

“…I love him.” I said. “Of course I like him. I’ve always loved Takkun. I know very well how honest and kind he is, and… he’s more or less my type. I think any woman would be happy if they could go out with him. And I’m happy that such a wonderful boy like him is in love with me.”

“…”

For a moment, Miu raised an eyebrow.

She was about to say something, but…

“But,” I continued before she could say anything, “I can’t see Takkun… as a man.”

That was my answer, and what I really thought.

It wasn’t an excuse, but rather, my true feelings.

“I really love Takkun a lot… But these feelings, how should I say it… It’s more like the kind of love a mother feels for his son. I don’t like Takkun in a romantic sense.”

I’ve been observing Takkun since he was 10.

Even though he has now grown up and become pretty manly… I can’t see him as a man. I just can’t see him that way.

“Miu, I… always wanted you and Takkun to be together. I thought you would make a good couple. Of course, this was just my selfish wish as a mother… But due to how I felt, I started to see Takkun as a son and not as a man.”

“…”

“Besides, Miu… True feelings and appearances, all of that isn’t that simple.”

Oinomori-san told me it was simple.

But it wasn’t for me.

I couldn’t think it was at all…

“Miu, before, you said I should drop the pretexts and said what I really thought… But that’s impossible. You can’t separate a façade and reality so easily.”

If you got rid of your façade, only your true feelings would remain… How easy and convenient everything would be if things were that simple.

But a façade was more than just a simple cover to the truth.

If you were a kid, then everything would be simpler.

You could easily let go of your façade, as if you were just peeling a fruit.

But… in the world of adults, that’s impossible.

The fruit is getting riper and riper… The skin and the fruit, the pretext and the true feelings, become one.

Pretexts blur the true feelings.

And at times, the most important feelings mix up with pretexts.

“You know, Miu… I’m already over thirty. I can’t just fall in love trusting my feelings and impulses. I need to think about my current life and my future one. I can’t open up my heart and share my feelings carelessly.”

I had to think about the risks.

And everything I could see were risks.

How risky would it be for this household if I started dating the boy next door who is 10 years younger than me.

If that relationship came to light, who knows what people would think about us.

If it was just me, it wouldn’t be an issue.

But if they started to see Miu in a weird way…

“…”

In the end, just like how Oinomori-san had said, I think like a ‘boring adult.’

If we looked at pros and cons, there were only cons. Instead of thinking that I could get something, I was more afraid of losing what I already had. A careful, prudent and typical conservative mentality of an adult that is afraid of trying something new.

But that’s alright.

I’m a mother.

I can’t keep being a girl.

10 years ago, I decided to become an adult.

“In conclusion… You can’t date Taku-nii.” Miu said after a pause.

With a surprised and resigned voice.

“Yes… That’s right.”

“…”

Miu closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She had an expression that had anger and sadness, a complex emotion that couldn’t be explained in one word.

However.

The words she said after made my heart stop.

“…You heard her Taku-nii!” Miu screamed out of nowhere.

I turned towards the hall.

After a few seconds, the living room’s door opened slowly.

And then, he appeared…

“T-Takkun…?!”

Takkun came to the living room hesitantly. Looking straight down like a prisoner and with eyes full of sadness.

“Why…? You were supposed to have gone home…”

“…I’m sorry…”

“Taku-nii is not at fault here, I begged him to do it.” Said Miu, interrupting his apology. “I asked him to pretend to go home and listen while I found out your true feelings.”

“W-Why did you do that…?”

“Because… I felt bad for him.”

Her voice was ice cold.

“He gathered the courage to confess and finally conveyed the feelings he had stored for a long time… But you kept giving him vague excuses.”

“T-That’s…”

“Perhaps you were trying to find a way for everyone to be unhurt… Perhaps you were just being kind… But I just think it was unfair.”

“…”

I couldn’t say anything back. I couldn’t answer. “Unfair.” The word my daughter said pierced into the deepest part of my heart.

“Ayako-san…”

And finally, Takkun opened his mouth.

“I… am extremely sorry.”

The first thing he said was a deep apology.

“Due to my confession… I’ve been causing you a lot of problems… As a result, I also caused problems to Miu too… I ruined our relationship due to my selfish reasons… I’m very sorry. But, well… T-Thank you very much.”

And then, he said words of gratitude.

“You were seriously thinking about me… Thanks for that. Even if I ended up hearing it behind your back, I found out your true feelings… And I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t the answer I wanted, but I’m happy to have gotten an answer. Hahaha.”

And then, Takkun… smiled.

It was a dry and hollow smile.

Obviously forced.

A painful smile that made my heart clutch just by seeing it.

“Hahaha… W-Well, I already knew it was impossible from the start. I had no chance. A brat like me isn’t at the same level as a wonderful woman like you.”

With a happy voice, unnaturally happy actually, Takkun spoke.

“When you said you didn’t see me as a man… I had nothing to answer back with. It was obvious. After all, that’s how you’ve been treating me all this time. For you, it was as if your own son had confessed, wasn’t it? Of course it had to be awkward. I must have seemed… really disgusting to you… You’ve been so nice with me because we’re neighbors… because I’m a kid. And despite that, all this time I’ve seen you as a woman… I’m really horrible…”

His fake happy voice started to break down gradually.

“Hahaha… Forget everything that happened, Ayako-san. Let’s pretend as if the last few days never happened… Let’s leave things as before… like they have been until now…”

His voice was lowering.

And Takkun… started to cry.

Tears ran down his smiling face.

Realizing this, he covered his face with a hand and said, “I’m sorry.” And ran out of the living room.

“W-Wait! Wait, Takkun—”

“Mom!”

I tried to go after him on reflex, but a cold and firm voice stopped me.

“What are you going to do after you catch up to him?”

“W-What am I going to do…?”

What was I going do?

What was the plan?

Catch up, apologize and comfort him… And then what?

Hug the deeply hurt boy and cry with him… And then what?

What purpose did it have?

That was just… to comfort myself.

It was just my self-satisfaction… To justify myself a little for the damage I caused him.

“That is unfair, mom.” Miu said reproachfully.

I couldn’t say anything. ‘Unfair.’ I also thought the same. Unconsciously, I tried to act unfairly, to the point where I was disgusted with myself.

I broke down and fell to my knees.

I had tears in my eyes but did everything I could to hold them back.

I thought that pretending to be a victim and shedding tears was unforgivable.

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