Volume 1 Chapter 7

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♥

—You’re not alone.

—Ayako mama, you have me.

—If something bad or painful happens, I’ll protect you, Ayako mama.

—That’s why, Ayako mama… Don’t cry anymore.

I had a dream.

A dream about what happened 10 years ago.

When I took a bath with Takkun, who was still a little boy…

“…You have me, huh…” I woke up in my bed and repeated the words from my dream. I vaguely remembered the past that had been slumbering deep inside my memory.

Ahh…

That’s right.

When Takkun was very young and spoke in a more childish way, he told me something when I had my hands full with work and raising Miu.

I had completely forgotten about something so important.

“…That made me very happy.”

Really happy actually.

I felt saved.

I felt like my effort had been recognized.

Whether it was just him just trying to comfort me or the irresponsible comment from a kid, it made me really happy to hear it nevertheless.

A ten year old kid managed to heat up my heart when I was completely depressed.

However.

For him, those words weren’t just some considerate words nor comforting ones; nor an irresponsible comment.

From that day onwards, he lived his life keeping his words.

For the last 10 years, Takkun has always been there for me.

When I was in trouble, he was always there to help me.

I mistakenly thought he did it for Miu… But he was doing it for me.

Full of a pure and innocent love.

Even now, at the age of 20, he is still keeping those pure and innocent feelings.

But I… couldn’t accept them.

I had grown up a long time ago, and after living in the adult world for so long, I couldn’t answer his pure and innocent feelings anymore.

“…I have to get up.”

With my head still half asleep, I got out of bed.

When I got up from the bed, a new day started.

Life doesn’t stop.

It keeps moving forward.

And when you’re an adult, it feels a lot longer.

It had been a few days since I had (indirectly) rejected Takkun.

I haven’t seen him again since that day.

He didn’t pick up Miu in the mornings anymore, and he said through Miu that he had cancelled the tutoring lessons.

Of course, since we were neighbors, it was impossible to not run into each other at some point.

But now… I didn’t know what face to make the moment I saw him…

“Mom… Did you doze off again?”

When I went down the stairs with heavy steps, I saw Miu peeking out from the living room. She already had her uniform on and looked ready to go to school at any moment.

“…Good morning…”

“What do you mean good morning? Haa… Well, it doesn’t matter. Breakfast is ready.”

When I went into the living room, the breakfast was on the table. Rice, miso soup, hams and eggs, sausages, and natto. A very orthodox breakfast. (TLN: Nattō (納豆) is a traditional Japanese food made from soybeans that have been fermented with Bacillus subtilis var. natto, a specific bacteria for it.)

Miu usually leaves chores to me because they’re a bother to her, but if she wants to, she can do them without any issue.

And during the last 3 days, Miu had been making breakfast every morning.

“Haa… Due to your laziness I’m improving in the kitchen. I had some free time today, so I made my own lunch.”

“I see… That’s amazing…” I answered Miu absentmindedly, who sighed ostentatiously while stirring the natto.

For the last few days, I’ve been living a terrible life in which I couldn’t sleep at night and woke up late. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Takkun’s face out of my head, and every time I remembered it, my chest started to hurt.

His disheartened face, the tears in his eyes… I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Seriously… Why the hell are you so depressed? You’re an adult, so I know you’re a little more mature than that.”

“S-Shut up…”

“I can’t stand seeing such a gloomy face in the morning.”

“…Miu… Why are you so harsh on your mother…?”

“Because I’m on Taku-nii’s side. I supported his feelings and wanted him to become my dad.” She said in a teasing tone, and then poured the natto over the rice. “Although, I guess it’s not necessary for me to keep supporting him anymore.”

And in a light tone, she said something unexpected.

“It looks like Takkun got himself a girlfriend.”

“…Eh…?”

I accidentally dropped the chopsticks on my hand.

I couldn’t understand the meaning of her words and my thoughts stopped.

“Eh… What? W-What did you just say…?”

“I said he has a girlfriend now.”

“…”

I still didn’t understand.

My brain seemed to be unable to understand the meaning of her words.

“…Ehh? T-That’s a lie, isn’t it? Because, after all, Takkun is…”

“You rejected him, remember? So now he is going out with another girl.”

Unlike me, who was in shock, Miu kept going calmly.

And without letting me eat, she said:

“They say that finding a new love is the best way to heal a broken heart. And Taku-nii has been pretty popular since middle school… Not to mention that he goes to a prestigious university, so he is also a man with a very promising future. Obviously, he’s in a lot of women’s radars.”

“…”

“Before that, he never dated anyone else because he was totally in love with you. But now that there’s nothing tying you two together, he can now enjoy a happy and fun university life. Well, in a certain way, it’s good for Taku-nii that you rejected him. He finally woke up from his childhood fantasy and started dating a young and beautiful girl.”

“…”

“Ah, by the way, he said that he had a date today. Looks like he doesn’t have any classes this afternoon. I heard that they’ll meet in front of the train station and go to the movies. Must be great to be a university student. They have so much free time, even on weekdays.”

“…”

“Breakfast was really good. Well then, I’m going now.”

After eating her breakfast, Miu left for school.

And I was left there dumbfounded… unable to touch my breakfast.

That afternoon… I took the bus to the station.

It was just a coincidence though!

It was just a coincidence that I had things to do there!

After the bus trip, I headed to a building near the station that had a movie theater on the top floor and went into the cafeteria in the first floor.

Yes, this was also just a coincidence.

It just happens that I wanted to come to this cafeteria since a long time ago. The place was empty, but it was just a coincidence that I bothered to take a seat from where I could see the building’s entrance. I never thought of doing this intentionally.

I was wearing a spring coat, big sunglasses and a facemask that just happened to hide my face. This was to… Uhm… Protect myself from UV rays…

“Haa…”

That’s enough… I should just stop.

It’s pointless to keep making up excuses.

After all… I came here because I was curious.

After hearing Miu’s words, I wanted to check for myself.

What kind of girl was Takkun going out with…

Aaahh, geez.

What the hell am I doing…?

I was the one who rejected him… The one who hurt him…

I have no right to do something like this…

No, well… I don’t think anyone has the right to spy on other people’s dates in the first place.

And then, right as I was agonizing over my own thoughts…

“…!”

He came in.

It was Takkun. He really came.

He showed up in the building’s entrance. I panicked and hid my face with the newspaper I had brought with me. And I took a peek from behind the newspaper.

He… was not alone.

There was a girl next to him.

It was a thin and small girl with a pretty face. Loose wavy hair and her lips were painted with a glossy lipstick. Her skirt was pretty short, revealing thin, flexible and beautiful legs.

Overall, she was dressed in a way that radiated youth, and showed him a bright and innocent smile.

They walked right in front of me.

They looked really happy next to each other.

They looked like a perfect young couple.

“…”

I felt a little dizzy. I felt my heart suddenly turning cold.

So it was true.

I thought it was possible that Miu was teasing me and had lied, but apparently what she said was true.

Takkun really did have a girlfriend.

And now he was having a fun date with his new girlfriend…

“…”

Once my heart froze, a strange heat erupted inside me.

What the hell?!

What the hell is up with that girl?!

Cute, stylish and thin legs… S-She’s so annoying!

And Takkun too!

Why is he flirting with her?!

Rather… Isn’t she totally different from me?! And he’s going out with her… With a young, fragile, and thin girl, the complete opposite of me!

So he preferred young and cute women after all!

He actually wanted a young girl his age instead of an old lady like me!

And so.

A selfish wrath blew up… but it was just for a moment, and just an instant later, my self hate made my heart freeze again.

Aahh…

Why am I angry?

I have no right to be.

My heart was a mess and I didn’t even understand my own feelings.

But even then, before I realized, I left the cafeteria running and followed them.

The movie theater in the top floor wasn’t that full, perhaps because it was a weekday.

It was hard to get close without people. I kept observing them while hiding behind a store.

After buying the tickets for the movie, the two bought drinks in a store.

It looked like they had bought different drinks with the purpose of tasting both flavors… Wait… They drank each other’s drink?!

E-Ehhhhh?!

That’s… An indirect kiss!!

Well, they’re not middle schoolers, so it would be weird if they’d be mindful of that… B-But! Isn’t it a bit soon when you’ve barely been dating for 3 days?!

Even if it’s an indirect kiss, isn’t it normal to be embarrassed?! At least a little bit?!

And they did it so naturally too, as if they were longtime friends or something similar…

“Ah…”

I was careless.

I was so upset by the indirect kiss that I forgot to hide and stuck my head out.

My eyes met with hers.

She looked at me puzzled, and then whispered something into Takkun’s ear.

Then he looked toward my direction… and opened his eyes fully.

And then, Takkun ran towards me.

Unable to escape, I froze in place.

“Uhm… Ayako-san?”

“Y-You got the wrong person…”

“…”

“O-Okay, I’m sorry… It’s me…”

I couldn’t lie to him. Well, it was impossible. Even though I was disguised, I only had a coat and sunglasses on, so, if someone got close, they would usually be able to recognize me.

I gave up and took off my sunglasses.

There was a surprised look on Takkun’s face.

“What are you doing here?”

“U-Uhm, well… I was thinking of watching a movie.”

“…Dressed like that?”

“W-What’s wrong with it?! The UV rays were a little strong today! And what are you doing here Takkun?!”

Upset and impatient, I tried to change the topic.

“Well… I came to watch a movie.”

“I-I know that already… But I was wondering if you should be doing that. In free days like these, you have to take the opportunity to stand out from the others.”

“…?”

“I-I understand that you’re excited to have a girlfriend… But you’re still a student, so you should study hard on your free days!”

“Girlfriend…? Eh?”

“I-It’s not that I care! It’s not my business who you’re going out with! B-But… It’s just that, after all, well…” I started to mutter things incoherently.

Takkun had a surprised expression in his face… But then.

The girl walked over to us.

She looked at Takkun’s face and said:

“So this is the Ayako-san you talk about.”

At that moment.

My confused mind got even more confused.

Not because of the words she said.

But rather the type of voice.

“I thought I felt a strange gaze a little while ago… And when I turned around, there was a blatantly suspicious woman looking at me. It was just as I thought.”

I felt that she had said something horrible like ‘blatantly suspicious woman,’ but that didn’t bother me at all.

Her voice…

Her voice was… deep.

It was a deep masculine voice that sounded nothing like a woman’s.

“Pleased to meet you, Ayako-san. Takumi has told me a lot about you.”

Completely ignoring my bewilderment, the girl smiled.

No.

She… was not a girl.

“I’m Satoya Ringou, Takumi’s friend. We go to the same university.”

The small and cute girl that was in front of me called herself “Satoya” in a deep and masculine tone, and referred to herself as a man. (TLN: Reminder that Japanese people have gendered Is.)

“Eh…? Eh? Y-You’re a man…?!”

“Yup, I’m a man.” After nodding calmly, he looked at his clothes and said “Ah, I see. I was dressed like this today, hahaha. I completely forgot. Since I was with Takumi, I felt like I was at the university. Sorry, I seem to have caused a misunderstanding.”

“…”

“Did you perhaps think I was Takumi’s girlfriend?”

“…Y-Yes…”

She… No, Satoya-kun asked in a teasing tone, but the shocking turn of events didn’t let me think at all and I nodded normally, forgetting that I was supposed to be pretending.

“Eh? Did you really think I was his girlfriend?”

“Ah, N-No! You’re wrong! It’s not like that…” I started to make excuses in a hurry, but it was too late already.

Satoya-kun thought for a moment with a gentle face.

“…Takumi, you said that Ayako-san rejected you, didn’t you?”

“T-That’s right…”

“I see… She rejected you, but for some reason, Ayako-san was following us now, dressed like a private investigator. Furthermore, she thought I was your girlfriend…” After whispering something and thinking for a bit, Satoya said “Hmm. Uhm… I think I should read the mood and go somewhere else.”

“Yeah… probably.”

“Okay. Then, I’ll go in first and reserve a seat. Come in when you’re done. Well, it doesn’t matter if you don’t come actually.” He said, as if he understood something, then he grabbed Takkun’s drink and left. With his beautiful shaved legs, he walked energetically with elegant steps.

Being left alone, we walked towards the end of the hall, where no one was.

“That boy… Is he your friend, Takkun?”

“Yes… He’s a friend I made when I entered university and often hang out with him.”

“She looks so beautiful, but despite that… He’s a boy.”

“He tends to cross-dress when he’s outside the university. Ah, wait, he doesn’t like people telling him he cross-dresses. He himself said it wasn’t that, he simply liked to use cute clothes that fit him.”

“H-Heh…”

How to say it… These certainly are newer times…

It’s hard to keep up with my current age.

But anyways.

It looks like the person I thought was his ‘girlfriend,’ turned out to be just a friend.

It’s understandable that they looked like longtime friends when I saw them being so close before.

Because… They really were.

“He invited me to watch a movie today. Uhm… He said that I should forget my broken heart and have some fun.”

“…”

“But, why did you follow us, Ayako-san? Besides, why did you think Satoya was my girlfriend…?”

“Well, that’s because…”

“By any chance… Did Miu tell you something?” Takkun asked while I was hesitating to answer.

“W-Why do you ask?”

“…I told Miu that I was going to the movies today with Satoya… And she asked me about the place and time of the meeting. Miu also knows how Satoya dresses.”

“T-Then… Miu lied to me?!”

I was dumbstruck and Takkun nodded, saying “Most likely.”

Uuuhhh… That Miu… W-Why did she lie to me…?!

“Then… Because of what Miu told you, you thought I had a new girlfriend and you came to make sure?”

“U-Uhm…”

I didn’t know how to react. That was exactly the case, but it was hard to admit.

Because if I did, it was as if…

It was as if I was interested in Takkun…

“Somehow… I’m a little surprised.”

“I-I’m so sorry! It was wrong to follow you…”

“Ah, no, I didn’t say it because of that.” He said with a bitter smile. “I don’t mind you following us. What surprised me was that, even though it was Miu’s fault, you thought I had a girlfriend.”

“Eh…?”

“It’s not easy to get over it. Just because I was rejected, it doesn’t mean I can just immediately start going out with a new woman. I’ve been in love with you for 10 years. To be honest, I still am…”

His words became weaker and weaker, and he leaned forward but moved away immediately.

“…I’m sorry. I’m causing you problems, aren’t I? There was no need to mention that.”

“…”

“Hahaha… It’s annoying to never know when to give up, isn’t it? Uhm… D-Don’t worry. It’s unlikely that I start to go out with someone immediately, but I’ll try… And I’ll do my best to stop loving you.” said Takkun, with a forced smile.

He’ll try to give up.

He’ll abandon his feelings for me…

“I hope that we can still have a good relationship as neighbors. And about Miu’s lessons… If you’re okay with it, I’d like to continue.” He said sincerely, straightening his posture.

But for some reason, I felt an abyss between us.

I felt like he was trying to make a line between us… A line that separated us as strangers.

“And also… I won’t misunderstand this as you being jealous, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Eh…?”

“I understand, you were worried that after the rejection, I would get involved with a random woman at first sight. You only came here to make sure because you felt responsible, didn’t you?”

“…”

“Don’t worry, I understood perfectly.” He said as if he were talking to himself, with a sad smile on his face. “Well, Satoya is waiting for me.” He said, turning around and leaving.

He was walking away from me.

As if he was making a line and trying to keep his distance.

The moment I understood that, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my head went blank…

“Wa… Wait.”

When I came to…

I was trying to stop him.

I grabbed the sleeve of his coat, pulling him a little hard.

“…D-Don’t stop.” I said, and he turned towards me with a surprised face.

I completely stopped thinking. My lips started moving by themselves. Words didn’t go through my brain, but rather bloomed impulsively from the depths of my heart and came out of my mouth.

“Don’t stop… loving me.”

What am I doing?

What am I saying?

But I didn’t stop.

I couldn’t hold back my words.

“It was jealousy… I was probably jealous… I think…”

The words that unexpectedly came out were said with hesitation.

But I couldn’t help it.

Even I didn’t understand what was going on.

“I hated it… When Miu said you had a girlfriend, I was shocked, shaken, depressed, and I couldn’t stay put… That’s why I followed you. I think… I was jealous. I hated the idea of you going out with someone.”

“…”

“It’s weird, isn’t it? It’s weird… I myself clearly said I couldn’t go out with you… But now I can’t even control my own feelings…”

The words kept flowing without stopping at all. Like a kid that had just learned words, I said whatever came to mind.

“…What I said to Miu the other day in the living room is true. To me, you’re the kid that lives next door and you’re like a son to me… That’s why I can’t see you as a man.”

“…”

“I can’t… Or that was supposed to be the case.” I said. “Ever since you confessed… Since you said you loved me, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head… Be it awake or asleep, I can only think of you, and my mind is always a mess…”

Like a son to me.

There was no lie in that sentence.

It wasn’t a lie… But even so.

“I think that I… am already conscious of you as a man.” I said.

I said the words that crossed the traced line.

I faced my inner self that had been looking the other way until now.

—Ayako-san. I’ve been in love with you for a long time. Please go out with me.

Ever since the day he confessed…

It’s amazing how he was such a big part of my life.

But everything I’ve done until now is run away from the sincere and pure feelings of the young man that I wanted to be my daughter’s boyfriend.

I avoided giving an answer and acted like nothing had happened.

But… I can’t do that anymore.

I can’t keep pretending anymore…

“Uhm… Am I explaining myself? Even though I’m conscious of you as a man, I didn’t lie when I said you were like a son to me… I’m bothered by the idea that you are dating another woman, but I’m not sure if it’s jealousy or the feelings of a nosy mom… So…”

“…Basically.”

When my words and feelings got stuck, Takkun spoke.

With a serious look and with hope in his eyes.

“You started to see me as a man?”

“Y-Yes…”

“But you also haven’t stopped looking at me like a son.”

“T-That’s what it looks like.”

“That’s why you can’t go out with me.”

“That’s right… Everything was so sudden that I still haven’t been able to organize my thoughts at all…”

“However, you don’t want me to have a girlfriend either.”

“Uhm…”

“You don’t want to go out with me, but you also don’t want me to go out with other girls. You want me stay in love with you and no one else.”

“…”

E-Eh?

Now that I think about it… Haven’t I been spouting complete nonsense?!

Haven’t I been pretty annoying and selfish?!

“…Pfft… Haha, hahaha!”

Takkun started laughing.

He opened his mouth and started to laugh out loud.

“Haha. Fufu… Ayako-san, no matter how you look at it, isn’t that too cruel? You’re being too selfish.”

“Uuh…”

I couldn’t say anything back. It was indeed cruel. Too cruel actually. Despite being over thirty, I was acting like a middle schooler in love… No, not even a middle school girl would say things as ridiculous as these…!

I was disgusted with myself, when suddenly…

“Alright.” Takkun said.

“Eh…?”

“I’ll do what you ask for. I won’t go out with anyone and… I won’t stop loving you.”

“E-Eh? A-Are you sure?”

Even I thought I was saying something completely horrible.

“I guess that falling in love with you became my weakness. That’s why I have no choice but to obey.”

“Besides,” Takkun continued.

He covered his lips with one hand.

“This may sound weird… But I’m actually really happy right now.”

“H-Happy?”

What’s so good about hearing a woman over thirty express her selfish desires?

“When I thought that it was alright to keep loving you, somehow… I got extremely happy.”

“…”

I felt that he had just said something amazing.

Words so amazing they touched my heart.

I was frantically agitated when Takkun approached me.

“Uhm… Is it alright to think that I have a chance? Of you going out with me I mean.”

“U-Ueehh?! That’s, well… I-I guess so. Maybe. A small chance. B-But seriously, just a tiny chance!”

“I understand.” Takkun smiled.

Before, he had a sad and unnatural smile, but now he had a genuinely happy smile. I felt embarrassed and had an itch in my skin for some reason.

“Uhm, well… Even though I said you had a chance, that doesn’t mean it will be right now! I’d like to take some more time to think things over…”

“I know. I acted hastily before. I’ll go a little slower now.”

Even though I said something terrible, Takkun didn’t mind and gave me a warm smile.

“I’ve been waiting for the last 10 years, so I don’t mind waiting a bit longer.”

“Takkun…”

“Uhm, then… For now, let’s leave things as they are.” He said embarrassed and stretched out his hand. “I hope we can keep getting along.”

“…A-Alright… Let’s shake hands as a sign of reconciliation.”

Feeling a little nervous, I shook his hand.

The hand I felt… was very big.

His hand was big and strong, completely different from the hand I held when he was little.

His masculine hands held mine strongly, yet, they were softly enveloping mine with a lot of love.

“I’ll do my best.” Said Takkun. “I’ll do everything possible so that you fall in love with me.”

“T-Take it easy… Please…”

Facing such a direct and passionate confession, I couldn’t help but look down.

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